I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Randomize
