hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Randomize
