Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
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