No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
