nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
