Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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