I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
