His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
