I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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