dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
