I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
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