I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
We're not piercing ourselves today.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Randomize
