you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
