Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
