he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
