my sisters under your porch take her home
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
