Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
