Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
