I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
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