1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
