so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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