Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
