My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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