I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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