You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
