And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
