i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
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