I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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