moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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