what day is it and did you see me today?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
