i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
