the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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