You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
