1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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