Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
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