I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
