I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
