So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
