we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
And then my night got REAL pukey
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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