I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
When did angry sex become our thing?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
