Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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