I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
as a side note pls kill me
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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