i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
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