I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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