how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
