I bet he comes in French.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
