What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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