You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
