he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
