your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
