I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
We smell like vodka and hangover
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