She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
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