I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
