I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
