My first STD was from a foam party
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Randomize
