he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
