New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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