I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
