you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
