Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
