You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
