im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
