yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
