I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
how does that bad decision feel?
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