last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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