It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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