I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
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