Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
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