the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
There r osticjed everywhere
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
