I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
