I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
